During a jog one day, the Lord began to speak to me. (I hate to admit it, but it’s one of the few times He has my undivided attention.) Like I was saying, the Lord was bending my ear during a good sweat because for the longest time I was feeling static and even useless as a Christian. It seemed no matter how hard I tried, I haven’t been able to connect to my Lord. You know what I mean by connecting to Him? Like when you feel the very presence of God enter the room, He practically suffocates you with His love, and He leaves you feeling like a pile of jelly lying on the floor.
Well, I hadn’t experienced the jellies in quite some time. And, to top it all off, I was in a rut at work—like I was having the same day over and over again and there was no way the Lord could possibly be using me—and, then, I was laid off and I got to feeling completely directionless. I guess you could say I’ve been battling the woe-is-me’s for the past couple of years.Thankfully, the Lord finally tapped me on the shoulder to help me understand all of this. First of all, my dry spell wasn’t because He left me, because He never left. Even when it doesn’t feel like He’s there, it doesn’t mean that He isn’t there. He’s always there. We’re the ones that are limited, He’s limitless. We shouldn’t base our standing with God on how we “feel.”
We need to persevere and pursue Him even when we don’t feel His presence. He said knock and it shall be opened to you. Thankfully, I kept knocking through it all, but I should have knocked longer and louder. To some degree, I let my feelings direct how close I was with my Lord. He should be able to count on our love for Him through thick and thin, just as we can count on His love through thick and thin.Speaking of thick and thin, tough times are what living in this world are full of. We can’t escape the rough patches. I went from feeling useless in my old job to feeling useless and directionless after getting laid off. It made things even worse when I went back to college to get my master’s degree, and I found myself a bit out of practice and feeling intimidated, surrounded by people who not only don't believe in God, but they hate anything that has to do with Him.
Frankly, I’ve been feeling tired of having to trudge through the mud bog of life and battle for everything all of the time without rest. Especially since it didn’t seem like any of all this struggling and drudgery was useful for anything anyway. I was feeling tired and even anxious for the Lord to take me to my reward. I know, pretty pathetic huh? Well, haven't we all been there a time or two?Anyhow, the Lord informed me that I was being pretty presumptuous. First, in assuming that He hadn’t been using me, and, second, in assuming that my getting laid off wasn’t part of His plans, too. As a matter of fact, He said He had been using me in my hum drum job as an example to the others there--He even showed me which ones I made an impression on--and He has huge plans for me in the future, although He didn’t tell me what they were. In reality, I am fulfilling his plans every day. All of His children are. Each of us fit perfectly into His great big plan. Even when we are leading what we think is a boring life, He’s using us.
We are soldiers in God’s army, and we must fight, battle, and weather all the trials that we face on this earth for our Lord even when it’s boredom. Really, most of the time we don’t know how He’s using us. Sometimes our dry spells are just testing and training. If you think about it, it’s all pretty exciting. It makes me want to pick up and fight again to serve my Lord. I will gladly fight the battle of boredom, or whatever else this life on earth throws my way, so I can continue to serve my Lord. I will never presume to know what the Lord is doing with me again.