Saturday, July 16, 2011

Identity Crisis

I am terrible about organizing my time. Or, should I say, others are terrible about organizing my time. It seems that whenever I want to sit down to write, others have alternative plans for me. Uncles have medical emergencies and I have to travel over 200 miles to go help out, or kids get hungry and I have to spend all day shopping. Anyway, that explains where I've been for the past few days. Now that I have my chance, all I want to do is go to the beach, read, and decompress. I'm finding it a struggle to discover the proper direction to go in life. If finding a job doesn't seem to be something that is going to happen any time soon, perhaps the Lord has other plans for me. It's difficult to know if writing is what He really wants me to do. I mean, why else would He give me a passion for it? I believe He gives us talents so that we may use them to his glory, whether it be the ability to love others well and simply shine his light for others we work with, or to write and glorify his name in that way, or to travel to third world countries and feed the poor. But, then again, I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others, questioning my ability, and wondering if I really have a talent for it at all. Maybe I should start reading more contemporary works. I really can't expect to write like Dumas, Kipling, or Tolstoy, nor would many of today's readers want to read it if I could. Now that I've got all my whining out of the way, I'll just remind myself that the Lord knew what he was doing when he made me the way I am, and there's no other like me. He already has a Tolkien and C.S. Lewis and he doesn't need any more of them. Therefore, I will continue the tedious work of changing my work to first person so I can get back to telling my own unique story.

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